We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
