do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
