Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
