Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
