it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
