The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
