i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
