he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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