we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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