I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
