Where are you?
In a non slutty way
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
