If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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