Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
