glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
