Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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