If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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