Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
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She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
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When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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