Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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