do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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