"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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