My first STD was from a foam party
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
