I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i barfeds in our rink
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
