Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
