just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
