Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
