I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
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I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
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You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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