how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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