My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
