its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
