I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
