I think my fart just growled at me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
