What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
