Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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