You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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