My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
