Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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