Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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