He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I could fuck to npr.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
