Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
