The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
