I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
