Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
