I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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