so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
