she woke up with a sticky ear
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
