I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
