Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
