Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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