He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
