is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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