So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
