Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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