making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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