even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Mom said you looked used
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
