Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
