you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
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Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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