oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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