so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
