His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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