Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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