put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
