Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
