Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
