dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
