There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
