y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Pants are for mortals
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
