You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
