Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
how does that bad decision feel?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
