I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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