we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
