Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
