Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize