so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
